- I am interested in personality archetypes, and I hope to learn more about myself in order to figure out how to best live my life.
- It turns out that I happen to be one of those young Millenials who are inexperienced in many matters—it is very stereotypical, it seems. I have spent the last handful of years mostly hiding, and sometimes hoping to disappear, but I have decided to put myself out there. I do not know what the results will be, but I am willing to take the risk because I am tired of living in the box that my parents created, in which I further added bars and a lock. Perhaps I can begin to hold myself accountable by publicising what I am, and am not, doing. Also, this may teach me lessons that can improve my social skills and the way I process the thoughts and actions of others. I am trying to understand everything about everyone (Yes, I am aware that it is impossible).
- The ideas I tend to have are usually politically-motivated and somewhat influenced by my preferred ideologies. I am not necessarily looking for an argument, or to change mindsets, but I am searching for conversation. Well, I can be very inflammatory, but I am really just curious about the responses I might receive. Overall, I don’t mind arguing, though. So I am blogging to avoid inspiring all sorts of “Berkeley riots”, all over the Internet. This way, those in disagreement can choose to look the other way—or feel triggered by my blog posts. It’s really not that awful, to be honest.
- As for any hobbies and other interests, I tend to focus on my physical health. Unfortunately, my perfectionist tendencies tend to result in orthorexia, and I prefer to avoid counseling. I still keep hoping that I will eventually fix myself. Currently, I am trying to be a flexitarian, but I have primal urges. I am still somewhat of a minimalist—but not to the point where it is a social media aesthetic instead of a helpful tactic. Quality and uniqueness over quantity, always, or so I say since that seems unrealistic in the United States, really. I once was a book nerd, but that has been flushed down the toilet, it seems—though I have started reading again this year and writing about anything I read. I spend most of my time listening to music—I do things will I am listening, of course. As for movies and television, I prefer historical dramas, science fiction, Gothic romances, war, fantasy, and documentaries related to those genres.
- Maybe I should also mention that, when I succumb to a minor level of social (haha, it’s probably moderate…) anxiety, I avoid conversation and stop responding for a while. I mean, I won’t respond for days at a time. At my worst, I can go months and years without talking to someone, and then I randomly say hi. I am definitely thinking of various people, often, but I find myself unable to make contact—the longer the hiatus, the harder it becomes. So, yes, I will probably disappear at some point because that is my unfortunate norm. I’m not sure if I could do that with a blog since it is a passive-aggressive form of socializing; therefore, I am not as likely to become anxious—I hope. I mean, I am very open and honest, but I am reserved.
- Finally, I need to blog. Writing feels so natural, and I wish I could have picked this hobby years ago. It brings me more freedom than I thought possible. Sure, I might have regretted some of the crap I may have written in the past (I cannot exactly say that I agree with my former self), but I believe it would have made some kind of positive difference. Of course, I may have also caused drama or attracted negative attention like I did on Myspace, a long time ago. I’ll never really know, but I certainly plan on continuing to write about anything—hopefully, always with honesty and some amount of self-respect and self-control.
- I should probably mention that I can be a very anal individual, and it shows in my writing. My thoughts are actually worse, yet far more conflicted. Unfortunately, I sound like an imbecile in person. I mean, I can be entertaining and nice, at times, too. Ugh…even this is awkward. How do I balance being dorky with being very serious—because I am both?
More information about the archetypes:
So I finally figured out that this is what I really am since at one point I thought I was 451/415. But no, it actually makes sense after a having a basic understanding of the description of each number—I am very 461. For while, I was confusing myself for a 469 because I accidentally swapped the leading number with the wing. I definitely identified with the self-doubt/insecurity and anxiety, but I actually do enjoy a moderate amount of conflict, and I have no problem voicing my opinions. It does explain why I am so violently restrained, self-deprecating, a perfectionist, moralistic, and always searching for the truth—yet prone to personal failure and some procrastination.
After finally understanding the idea of a tritype, I found myself being the “philosopher” or “individualist.” I am still in the process of understanding the wings—mostly of the last two. I did take a test that helped me realize that my personality is more specifically 4w5-6w5-1w9.
There is an explanation of how the order of instincts affects the mindset.
I am starting to wonder if, perhaps, I am more of a Self-pres/Social or Social/Self-pres…The instincts cause me the most confusion, to be honest. Perhaps I am too anti-social to actually be social even though I have read that it can mean one possesses a social instinct by being very social or very anti-social. The funny thing is that I become very open when someone approaches me, first, though I am naturally reserved. I dislike group settings, yet I want to be part of some group but from far away, somehow. I always enjoyed seeing a counselor because I could talk about myself for an hour and say crazy shit—but not too crazy—and it was enjoyable.
Life was much easier when all I knew was the 4w5 profile.
Because who doesn’t want to know when life is less romantically melancholy and headed more towards a cyanide pill?
I finally settled on being a melancholy-phlegmatic. Sure, this form of archetype system is outdated compared to others, but I could use another label. I think it would be more specific to label myself melancholy-phlegmatic-choleric, but I rather just keep it more simple and use two temperaments as a description instead of three.
Developing somewhat of an interest in ISFJ’s, INTJ’s, and INFP’s has removed my doubts about somehow not actually being an INFJ. I mean, I still need to commit myself to more research, but, for now, it’s fine.
It’s not just a matter of style since it includes physical features. It is difficult to look like a classic or gamine if one does not have the actual features—that is exactly how I realized I am not a natural nor do I have any romantic characteristics. I really hoped to be a romantic gamine, but I don’t have those kind of curves. I can get away with some typical romantic, dramatic, and romantic-dramatic pieces, though, so who the hell knows… Also, I am trying to move on from having ingenue tendencies since I figured that one who is 25 or older should begin maturing at all levels—if it wasn’t already begun. I am naive and inexperienced enough, overall, to still get away with it, though, if I wanted to.
Believe it, or not, some people will absolutely not look better in black—but I will because of my natural coloring. Wearing the colors that compliment oneself is the difference between looking good and looking great. For example, I may look good with a dark, peachy blush, but I will look great with a reddish blush. Of course, I am having some difficulty in finding a variety of makeup for my cool-toned, medium-dark complexion because, apparently, I do not exist. I am also cheap; therefore, I blatantly refuse to buy anything expensive that I can find in exact or somewhat-similar quality for much less. If I were politically correct, I would refer to myself as cost-effective, but we all know I am not that person.
Geneology/Basic Family Tree:
Father: Humberto Ontiveros-Trujillo
Paternal Grandparents: Manuel Ontiveros-Villescas m Francisca Trujillo-Lopez
Paternal Great-Grandparents: Jose Maria Ontiveros m Irinea Villescas and Sabas Trujillo m Regina Lopez
Mother: Maria Rosario Gomez-Duran
Maternal Grandparents: Rosalio Gomez-Ornelas m Domitila Duran-Gonzalez
Maternal Great-Grandparents: Juan Gomez m Rita Ornelas and Rafael Duran m Antonia Gonzalez
Jacquline Ontiveros m James N. Ard Jr.
Origins: Morita, Chihuahua and Nochistlán, Zacatecas in Mexico
Note: I am only aware that I have Tarahumara ancestry, but I am hopeful that I will eventually learn more about my ancestors. I would like to fill out a detailed family tree some day. Perhaps I will take one of those DNA tests in the near future.
Want to find me elsewhere?
The land (or landfill) of selfies and food pics…I intend to make more use of my account, but only if I can take interesting photographs of interesting subjects. Unfortunately, I believe in minimal photo-editing unless the photograph is meant to be disturbingly creative, and I am far from reaching anywhere near that skill level. I guess that means that I prefer natural nature rather than “natural” nature, yet I like some amount of abstract or gritty features to some pictures. Though, I rather have an empty feed than to have it filled with selfies, avocado toast, Starbucks lattes, and pretentious memes or low-brow humor. Watch, I’ll probably contradict myself at some point and take some kind of stereotypical picture.
I “love” Pinterest. It is the one place where I will hoard EVERYTHING.
Anyone interested in my darker or more pessimistic personality traits can head on over here. My page embodies a heavier mood than I can portray elsewhere. I especially favor the art scene on Tumblr—as long as it doesn’t become too abstract or SJW.