Guess who’s a Navigator? Yet, again, here is more proof on how anal I am when it comes to life. I’m a conscientious neurotic introvert. Spontaneity is not my preferred method. The fact that I am only 18% agreeable certainly says a lot. You know that one individual who tends to keep to himself, is awkward in conversation with strangers and acquaintances, and has no problem being rude with everyone (quietly, of course)? Aye! I can’t deny that the 99% neuroticism is embarrassing–far more than the 2% extraversion. I wonder if anyone else has ever had highly similar results. Well, I hope I am not the only one like this.
More than a realist, I believe I am just a pessimist. Both don’t necessarily have to go hand-in-hand. For me, it depends. I am so emotional on the inside (you won’t receive a hug from me or “I’m so, so sorry for…” comments). Don’t emotions have a tendency to hinder the facts? I can be disturbingly driven or a perfectionist of the worst kind. It may not seem so–given my history with jobs (or lack-thereof)– but when I find anything important or interesting, then I become obsessed. I just have to work around my severe introversion.
Yes, I hate not being in control. Obviously, I run into situations where I have little to no control, and that is where my anger bursts forward. I can be considered moody because of it. So, of course, I am a perfectionist. Returning to the fact that I am a severe introvert, it does make sense that I am a homebody. Don’t worry, I do leave my cave. I just prefer to be surrounded by no more than a handful of people that I know well. I enjoy outdoor activities on my own, from time to time.
Considering the first few traits, it is understandable that the following ones seem repetitive. I am aware that I seem distant in social situations, and that has saved me from most gossip, but it has also cost me opportunity. I am critically methodical and disciplined with specific chores, hobbies, and other actions. Anything else can crumble. Once I make a decision about life, then it does result in “strong and firm beliefs about things like society and morality.” I am vocal on those types of subjects.
I am an organizer, but I am capable of being creative. So, I disagree with part of this statement: “They like to stick to the rules of the game, but this can mean that they lack imagination and creative flair at times. You may prefer structured learning to free thinking and like to have a clear sense of the start, middle and – crucially – end of a project.” To be honest, the only way for a project to be completed, perfectly, is to be organized. Let’s not mention the countless types of artists who inhabit this planet and are incapable of showing results because there is no organization or discipline. A balance has to be found.
I am stubborn because I obviously feel I know what’s best and worst for me (and other people). It’s also true that being headstrong involves worries and fears. “If I do that, will it work?” Risk is something I avoid. That, coupled with introversion, has been my stumbling block–all of my life. I am aware that I haven’t shown any positive results in the ways that I want because of these traits. It’s humiliating and my own Godforsaken fault.
Avoidance of people, decisions, and actions have led to a stalemate. I can’t screw up, but I can’t succeed. I’ve been thinking lately that I have most of the traits necessary to prosper among other human beings, but I am figuratively watching the toilet water swirl around in circles. This year has been one of plenty of thinking, regret, planning, and actual doing. Still, there is more to be accomplished. I need to change more, but I know that the fears and the overthinking are standing right there, behind me.